That was the first thought that came to mind when I opened this blog again. I did not have a clear idea of what I wanted to write, but I knew I felt the urge to start typing and let whatever was sitting in my mind come out here. It has been a long time since I have written here (not announcement type things, but writing…just to write), and returning to this space feels like trying to hear myself again in a room that has gotten louder than I remember. It’s so much noise.
I Have Always Needed Space
I have never been someone who needs constant company. People describe me as fun, but they do not describe me as an extrovert. Fun has always meant good conversation, laughter, and time with people I care about. It has never been about being surrounded by people all day. Even when I was younger, I enjoyed having time to myself. Some of my favorite memories are moments when I was alone and creating something simply because it felt good to make it.
Life Was Quieter When I Created More
Before social media became a daily expectation, I spent more time making things without thinking about who would see them. I wrote, I designed, and I explored ideas because they interested me. There was no audience waiting for the next update, and it was definitely no algorithm to satisfy. There was no pressure to turn every thought or experience into content. I was creating because creating felt natural, and that was enough. I know times have changed, but I’m just reflecting.
Somewhere Along the Way, I Got Pulled Off Track
Now it feels like everything is competing for my attention, everything feels loud and urgent, and everything wants something from me. The more time I spend consuming, the less time I spend creating, and I can feel the difference in my energy and how I show up. I know I need more self-discipline…but the noise.
My Creativity Needs Empty Space
My best ideas rarely show up when I am actively searching for them. They tend to appear when my mind has space to wander like in the shower when I only here the sound of water, or driving when it’s only me in the car, walking my dog, or simply sitting still. Lately, I have fallen into the habit of filling every quiet moment with something to look at or something to check. Instead of letting my mind think, I reach for my phone, or even let some kind of sound play in the background as I shower. Instead of sitting with one idea, I’m always looking for the next thing. Instead of creating, I consume, and it has slowly crowded out the mental space I used to protect.
I Miss the Version of Me Who Made Things
I miss the version of myself who could disappear into a project for hours without thinking about how it would perform or whether it would be seen (ok motherhood changed that a bit too…but still). I miss the version who created because it felt good to complete something just for me. I do not believe that version of me is completely gone, but I think she is buried under a lot of noise and distractions, and I am trying to find my way back. I’ve been slowing clearing the noise and clutter.
What I Am Trying to Do Now
Lately, I have been thinking more about protecting my attention. I am not trying to disconnect from the world. I am trying to reconnect with myself. I want to spend more time creating than consuming, more time making than researching, and more time following my own curiosity instead of everyone else’s. I do not know exactly what that will look like yet, but I do know that the world feels so loud right now (I don’t even watch the news anymore), and I am starting to believe that some of my best ideas are waiting for me when I am able to sit longer with the quiet.
I hope to create and write more in the near future, but just had to clear my mental today.
To More Quiet Moments…
xo,
Che
